Just keep swimming…

This morning I woke up from a dream; a dream in which I said goodbye to you again. “Don’t worry, kiddo,” you said, “I’ll always be with you.” I woke up with tears running down my cheeks.

Today marks four weeks since Grandma’s death. And I feel so drained. Emotionally. Physically. A shell of myself. I went to see my doctor today because I feel so lost. Like I am floundering as I try to be an adult and figure out the next steps. I have reached the end of my ability to cope, and I no longer feel like a functional member of society. Most days, the only thing getting me out of bed in the mornings is the knowledge that I have to babysit Rory. If it weren’t for that sweet girl, I don’t even know what I’d be doing.

This afternoon after my doctor’s appointment, I went to Grandma’s apartment to get the rest of my stuff out of it. It was hard. So hard. Harder than I thought it would be to just get my crap out of the apartment that Grandma had lived less than a year in. But it was so hard.

I am going to be gentle with myself for the next few days. I have to be. If I expect too much of myself, then I will fall. And I honestly don’t know if I want to get back up again. So, baby steps it is. I will accomplish one thing a day (and some times that accomplishment may be a shower), and I will find one positive thing to focus on.

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Just keep swimming…

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7 Responses to Just keep swimming…

  1. As you say ‘be gentle with yourself’ and take time to process the grief. I think it’s a great idea to connect with grief counselling/support. Once you navigate the grief, then you can perhaps consider focusing on some of your ‘next steps’ in life. You have many friends there for you – I am one of them… never hesitate to contact me and know that we can connect and make plans whenever you would like. I can even come get you … maybe on a day over the weekend. I’m there for you (((HUGS)))

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mrsgmh says:

    Oh Kathleen, it’s early days yet – you are still in grief. Be gentle with yourself and yes take one baby step at a time. Do you have any bereavement services in Canada that you can turn to? Look them up on the internet. They can be a great help as they understand what you’re going through. Take care, love and hugs, Gwen xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Miriam says:

    I can relate, Kathleen, oh how I can relate. Some days I can barely stop the tears and I feel so drained. I just try and shift the focus. Thanks for this … “just keep swimming”. It’s what I needed to here. Take care of yourself. Hugs to you on the road to peace. xo

    Like

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