Anxiety makes the smallest mole hill into the largest mountain. The rational part of my brain knows this. But the irrational part of my brain takes over and just spirals through all these worst case scenarios.
My landlord is coming tomorrow to sign a couple of forms needed for my application for a rent subsidy. Rationally, I’m sure he’ll sign it. After all, he’ll still get the same amount of rent. Just that a portion of it will come from the county. But of course, my irrational brain has taken over and I’m already catastrophizing the meeting. That he won’t sign it, and then my social assistance payment will only cover my rent and I won’t have enough money every month for food and phone and internet and and and…..well, you get the idea.
I haven’t slept well for the past 2 days, as I worry about this paperwork. Which I KNOW is silly. But that doesn’t stop me from worrying. I figure I will crash hard tomorrow night.
However, I do know there is light at the end of this. Yesterday I laid some more foundations in my road to recovery. A plan was solidified with the county’s mental health unit and I’m being referred to a couple of programs that will work with me to learn new coping skills, create safe places for me to go and work on getting out of the apartment, as well as reintegrating cognitive behavior therapies.
I will get to the other side, stronger and better.